A Decade Later: an Epitaph of Hope
Today marks 10 years since Laura died.
I remember speaking to someone in the weeks after Laura passed who had lost their wife 10 years earlier. As he was sharing, 10 years sounded like an insurmountable amount of time. I wondered how I could live 10 years without her. I was still in the survival phase. And now, here I am one decade later. In some ways it feels like it all happened just yesterday. At the same time, it feels like a lifetime ago, as so much has unfolded in the intervening years.
I sometimes imagine Laura popping in from heaven for a visit. There is so much I’d have to tell her. Some of it would make her laugh, and some of it would make her cry. Since her departure, I’ve continued to experience the double-sided coin of joy and pain. I would also need to introduce her to so many people, because I realise that many people in my life were not around 10 years ago. There are so many people I’d love her to meet! That brings a sense of discontinuity, as my life has changed quite a bit over the past 10 years. Yet there’s also continuity – mostly through the faith we both share in Jesus. I would be able to reassure her that He has not let me down.
For the first time since her death, I have begun to read some of her journals. If you’ve read Grief and Grace, you’ll know that I am a journaler. Laura also journaled – sometimes vociferously, at other times more sporadically. Her journals are largely conversations with God through prayer, reflection and scripture. It’s a beautiful testimony, filled with nuggets I’d love to share with family and friends in due course.
What I hadn’t realised is that Laura was journaling during the final weeks of her life. Although she had been ill, we were oblivious to the fact that she had a brain aneurysm. She had two hospitalisations, and we thought she was on the road to recovery. Yet there is no sense of fear or doubt in her final entries. Rather, they contain scriptural promises that she applied to herself. Her final entry is marked 11th August, 2016 – one week before her death. These are the words that she wrote from Psalm 143:8-10:
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
What a beautiful epitaph of hope to her life. Unknown to her, she lived out these words as she transitioned from this life into the next—resting in the assurance that she could hide herself in God’s love, and that He would keep her safe for all eternity.
My prayer is that Laura’s legacy will inspire each of us to trust God to lead us on level ground through every season of life. Just as my memories of her continue to motivate me to serve Him faithfully, may her example encourage you to walk with steadfast faith and hope in His unfailing love.
